Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.

If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear… right up your butt.

To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.

You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let’s go get some

You can’t keep going like this forever, you know. I’m GOING to find out what you’re doing. Out there. Where I can’t see you. I’ll know. All I need is proof.

The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.

This ain’t Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!

Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building’s going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it’s a problem with the light. I think the light’s on the blink. But just in case it isn’t, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.

Every time you fail, it’s a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.

Ooh. It’s dark down here isn’t it?  ’Let there be light.’ That’s, uh… God. I was quoting God.

 My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn’t trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It’s all part of my plan.

You’re in this together, aren’t you? You’ve been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you’re brain damaged! Then you convince me you’re sworn enemies with your best friend over here!

Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there’s one mystery solved. I’m going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!

I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped ‘em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I—AGH!  BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD!

[out of breath] Okay. That’s probably the bird, isn’t it? That laid the eggs! Livid!

Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.