Before we start testing today, let’s have our mandatory minute of silence in honor of Earth’s governing body, the Sentient Cloud. [throat clear] Starting now. [a pause] [coughing] [a longer pause] [more coughing] [still more pausing] Good, right. All hail the sentient cloud. Begin testing.
I’ve just been notified that one of our test subjects may have angered the Sentient Cloud by beginning testing early. Now, as you all know, the cloud has banned all camera technology—hates getting its picture taken. So this’ll have to be on the honor system: Will whoever started testing early please go outside so they can be consumed by the Cloud.
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks — and no one’s gonna ask, don’t worry — but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.